We’re on the half way point of a 5 week outing that has taken us completely across North Carolina. The first week in Durham, the second by the coast on Emerald Isle and at the end of the third week we traveled West on Interstate 40 all the way to Tennessee to finally arrive in Dalton, Georgia. The reason for the last part of the trek was to visit B’s niece Sarida Hoy and to be there when she presented her doctorate dissertation and defended her thesis at Georgia State University in Atlanta. During the last four years we have heard of Sari driving the 180 miles roundtrip from her home in Dalton, GA to downtown Atlanta several times a week. Not only was she attending school but she also worked as a full-time science teacher at the Dalton High and on top of that she managed to continue to raise one daughter and having another one that is now only one and a half years old. As if that wasn’t enough, she managed to get awarded as the Teacher of the Year for both her school and for the whole district. Ed, her husband was also busy teaching and also completing a doctorate degree so I don’t think she was counting on him for a lot of help around the house, but somehow they managed.
I don’t think I ever had that much drive and determination and even if I had, I wouldn’t have attempted that many feats in such a short time. Just trying to list the number of things she must have done everyday gets me exhausted, let alone trying to do any of it. But today having some of her family members witness the completion of just one of those feats was a reward for her and a great celebration for the rest of us.
Interestingly, Sari’s doctorate thesis was about Latin women in science. She followed the career of a prominent Cuban-American scientist who struggled with balancing family, education and career. The struggle must have seemed very familiar to Sari. A passionate and dedicated woman dreaming with a career as a scientist that ultimately had to choose between the demands of long hours at the lab and the demands of a husband that was “supportive” but that expected that his dinner should be ready and on the table at 5PM when he got home from work. It’s not an uncommon struggle and not one that will go away until family-raising roles are a bit more equalized at home. And because these “roles” have been ingrained in us from generations past, who knows when equality will go beyond tacit support to actual full, hands-on back up on the home front. It's amazing that some women have actually succeeded in their workplaces. With all the extra layers of responsibilities they are dumped with, it wouldn't be easy for just anyone to overcome the obstacles and to also have a successful career. For some reason I have always believed in equality at home. Of course, that doesn't mean that B and I are 100% in agreement on who does what, but I have never believed that there are gender-specific roles or that there are some privileges exclusively available to one gender over the other. Of course, there are exceptions, such as childbearing. Even if I could, it's something that I wouldn't volunteer to do.
Not sure exactly why I feel so strongly about it, maybe it was from seeing my own Mother, a very talented secretary in her days, bypassed for promotions and responsibilities for the mere fact that she is a woman. Two generations later, I hope those that share their lives with our sons are thankful that her influence has translated into very balanced and caring men as those two sons of ours have become. There is hope for the world.
The last weekend of our NC visit we stayed with our eldest son and wife at their home in Greensboro, NC. The weather was perfect and we spent some time outdoors enjoying some good food and some lively discussions.
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